I spent some time today watching a guy in my apartment building moving boxes out to a truck. (I seriously considered offering to help. No, that doesn't make me a "hero," but thanks for suggesting it.) Anyway what struck me as most interesting was the guy's shorts. They were the longest "shorts" I'd ever seen, and actually went down as far as his socks, so no actual leg was showing.

My fellow Americans, I believe that we have reached a turning point in men's shorts. They just can't get any longer without them being long pants. The logical conclusion is that it's time for them to start getting shorter again.

SHORTS 2012

Are these shorts that are too long, or long pants that are too short? You can't tell. That's why this is the tipping point.

SHORTS 1985

Here's where we're headed, folks! Mark my words, you'll see this look back on the streets within a few years. I've still got mine from the 80s, so I'm covered! Well, I'm sort of covered!