I mentioned the other day that I was feeling guilty both for smuggling my own candy into the movie theater, ("Lincoln") and because it had come from my kids' Halloween stash.

I got started sneaking in candy a few years ago when the price of Junior Mints hit $3.00 a box. Fortunately, around that same time, I also discovered the miracle of cargo-pants. With tight jeans, it just won't work because a. it's too obvious, and b. anything chocolate melts if it's held too tightly against your skin.

So, I'm sorry movie theater owners! I used to be an assistant manager at a theater years ago, so I know that's how you make your money. I promise to buy a whole COUNTERFULL of Dots, Whoppers and Milk Duds when I'm super rich like David Cassidy or Wayne Gretzky. In the meantime, however, I'm still buying your $6.00 popcorn because I haven't figureed out how to sneak it in without a big, greasy popcorn-bulge sticking out.