Okay, I'm not sure which one of you is clogging up the toilet every single day, but let me tell you a few things: It's me who has to unplug it every time, and believe me, it doesn't look anything like this nice, clean clip-art picture by the time there have been 4 or 5 "dud" flushes.
I don't know what you people are doing that's causing this to happen, but let me count for you the exact number of times that I have plugged up a toilet in my entire life: Zero. Not once. Never. And yet a measurable portion of my adult life (maybe 10%) has been spent hunched over pumping and sloshing away at somebody else's disgusting mess.
So, beginning today, the following rules will apply:
1. Eat more fiber or smaller portions or something. Jeez!
2. You will be issued 5 (five) sheets of quality toilet tissue each day. That should be enough for anyone! Why do you need more than that?
3. New rule: You plug it, you un-plug it. Don't just walk away and hope it will magically unclog the next time somebody else uses it.
4. Then clean it! Have you seen it after it's been plugged?
5. If the water is getting close to the rim, shut the water off! Either take the back lid off and pull up the float, or turn off the water valve underneath! Now!
6. I will give you each 1 (one) lesson on this long-lost art, using my years of expertise as my guide.
Okay, I'm done. I'd like to promise* you, once again that this will be my final blog post about toilets.
* "I'd like to" renders this promise pretty much meaningless.