Former Vice President Dick Cheney, discussing the tensions with North Korea, told an audience "we're in deep doo-doo!"
Was this Cheney's way of telling us that Kim Jong Un has secretly developed a doo-doo missle? It's not deadly, but it'll ruin your best shirt.
Hey, you know that whole thing about the Postal Service discontinuing Saturday mail delivery? Okay, never mind! Congress got involved, and passed a bill to keep the mail coming on Saturdays after all. The Postal Service wanted to save money by cutting delivery back to 5 days a week.
Rememember when you used to get fun things in the mail? Letters from old friends! Birthday Cards! Anthrax! A quick check of my mail this week shows all we've gotten so far is:
1. Sale flyers for beds
2. Bills, mostly involving medical and insurance
3. Oprah Magazine.
All of them, I think can wait until Monday. Well, except Oprah!
A town in Poland is ready to unveil a new fiberglass statue of Pope John Paul II that is 43 feet high! When completed it will be the largest pope statue in the world, (not shown here. This is a different one) and they hope to be listed in the Guiness Book of World Records.
But is fiberglass really the most dignified sculpture material they could come up with? No bronze or marble for a pope? When I think fiberglass statue, I think of a giant unicorn next to a truck stop.
Just back from a spring break trip with the family! Here are a few things I learned!
1. A 13 year old boy does not want to sleep in a queen bed with his dad
2. When a 10 year old girl says she has to go to the bathroom, it means she had to go about 30 minutes ago, and is just telling you about it now.
3. Whatever the heck is on those iPod screens is a lot more interesting than another mountain or waterfall
4. If macaroni and cheese is on the menu, it will be ordered.
5. "Just stop the arguing back there!" will not stop the arguing back there.
6. A whole CD of Mom & Dad's favorite "story songs" like "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia" is NOT fun for everyone.
Easter was a favorite holiday in our family when I was a kid. We'd go to church, then I'd search for candy the Easter Bunny had hidden around our house.
One year I found a bag of those little foil-wrapped eggs way back in a closet, behind the vacuum attachments. My parents looked at them, then looked at each other and shook their heads. My mom said "I think the Easter Bunny may have hidded those a couple years ago!" Did I eat them? I'll never tell. I will tell you they were white around the edges, dry and crumbly but still sweet! And I lived to tell the story!
The hoity-toity New York store Hermes (I u-tubed it, and it's pronounced "er-MEZ" so you won't embarras yourself when you go in there) is now offering a tee-shirt made of crocodile skin.
The lovely shirt (and by lovely, I mean hideous) can be yours for a mere $91,500, which is about twice the median American househould income. So, save up for a few years! Or put it on layaway!
As for me, I won't wear it if it doesn't come in a 5-pak from Hanes. And that goes for pants too.
The people who make Peeps did a survey about their popular Easter candy! Some results:
Which public figure/s resembles Peeps because he or she is colorful, sweet, or for another reason? Ellen DeGeneres, 32% Katy Perry, 25%; Taylor Swift, 19%.
Do you prefer Peeps chicks or bunnies? Chicks, 65%; bunnies, 35%.
How do you eat your Peeps? 65% of respondents eat the head first; 16% eat in tiny bites; and 13% eat the tail first.
How many Peeps do you typically eat at once? 49% eat one or two Peeps; 37% eat four or five; 8% eat six to 10 Peeps at one sitting.
How long have you been eating Peeps? 40% said 40-plus years; 32% said 20 years; 13% said 10 to 20 years.
At my house, our kids put them in the microwave. They get hot and gooey, and swell up to the size of softballs. Then we spend the rest of Easter Sunday cleaning melted Peeps off the furniture!
I'm often asked "are you in the army, or something?" No, but I frequently wear this hat in support of my friends who are, or have served! And I had to work for it - sort of!
A couple years ago I was at an air-show at Kennedy Space Center, and I'd forgotten to bring a hat. I asked at the US Army recruiting tent if I could have one, and a huge, muscular recruiter told me I'd have to do 50 push-ups to get it. A crowd, later estimated at between 2-3 people gathered to watch as I dropped down and did 50 solid boot-camp quality push ups. Except for the last 20 or so, which were iffy.
They say the cheer from the crowd that day could be heard from several feet away as I called out "fifty" and Sgt. Beefmaster tossed me this cap. He rolled his eyes and went back to his business. As I walked away it ocurred to me that this was a man who had seen and done much, and was not impressed by some old guy doing push-ups.
Remember this? Well, a few years ago we had a neighborhood garage sale, and my son, who was about 9, asked if he could buy something. "Sure, if you take your own allowance money, you can spend $5.00 on whatever you want."
Well, he walked in the door with THIS! Yessiree, a genuine Veg-O-Matic II, in its original box! I have no idea how old this is, or if it's worth more or less than the $5.00, but I'll be darned if the thing doesn't actually work! We use it a couple times every year, like last night. And yes, it slices, it dices, and I suppose it makes julienne fries, whatever they are!